Who Am I????

Who Am I????

Why is this such a hard question to answer. When crafting text for my blog, instagram, Facebook, all of the seasoned advice highlights the need to brand as a way to connect. I've never lived within the bounds of lets say normal so I find it incredibly difficult to be anything short of authentic. I am blunt. I am kind. I am a mama. I am me. I am. I am. I am. 

But short of who I am as a person I find as an artist I am another. Yet now these two people collide as I find myself searching within myself. As an artist mama everything changes. The balance needs to be re-set. The definition once confined is blurred and sometimes I'm not sure where one begins and the other ends leading me to the conclusion that they no longer do. 

So here I am again, reaching into the vast and ever expanding universe to find my place. 

Yet I know what I want to be moving forward. I want to be authentic. There was a time when I worked so hard within my craft to find a balance between art and product. Most successful artists must retain this balance in an effort to gain financial rewards. At the time this made sense and I found a lot of success within the symbiotic nature of these two relationships. 

Yet at 41 I find myself stomping my feet and screaming inside. I want to craft the beautiful images in my head. I want to bring together torch and solder, gemstones and punches, texture and patinas to emulate the images I see before surrendering to sleep. 

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And So It Begins… Again...

 

 

We forget. I know I forget. It is a part of the evolution of body, soul and mind. We think we have it all figured out and for awhile we do. We think the path is set before us and it takes but a sequential number of steps to complete…. and then we find the curve. 

For some it is a gentle curve for others a  degree so sharp it separates body from mind. We reach a degree of insanity and we prepare almost thankfully for delusion. Yet… It is both mind and body that rebel. They argue, they are cantankerous, they allow us no rest, and constantly challenge that which we have accepted as an absurdity.

It happens this way. Each day arguing with both body and mind. It takes over, the exhaustion, the hype, the drama, it rebels and repents in equal measure. It is each day, every day, each breath, AND THEN IT IS NO MORE. 

We come back. We travel through the underworld and find ourselves rejected. 

We do not belong. It is not our time to give in - it is our time to climb. To take each step forward until our muscles ache and our lungs burn. Until our legs weaken and we think there is nothing left, but we continue to climb because WE ARE ALIVE. 

It is the greatest gift though unappreciated in the moment. It is all we desire, all any living thing desires and we despise and love it. We know it and we reject it for the ease of giving up is a beautiful lullaby tied ultimately with strings of regret.

 It is strength that separates the past from the present. The triumph over the hardship, the aching muscles that cannot bare another step but find the endurance to continue. It is the hero we champion. Sometimes to be the hero you need not act at all.  Sometimes all it takes to catapult your sorrow to bliss is time and in-between the simple reminder to breathe.

This I have found to be true. This is the truth I seek to share. It is everything and it is nothing. It is all that lies within you. It needs no guidance; yet… perhaps a spark will ignite the bodies basic human instinct to Iive and to survive.